Above: Marilyn Sherman, High Point University’s Personal Development Innovator in Residence, Speaks to Students.
Imagine this: You’re high in the nosebleeds in an auditorium of thousands, waiting for your favorite band to start. You’re preparing to squint at the performers all night and strain to hear over the crowd. Feeling restless, you decide to walk down to the front. There’s someone standing next to the stage, so on a whim, you strike up a conversation with him when he mentions that he’s touring with his uncle, the lead singer of the band. Just like that, you’re moved to the front of the audience, you have backstage passes, and you can say that you’ve just met someone famous.
It may seem like a chance encounter, but it happened to Marilyn Sherman, High Point University’s Personal Development Expert in Residence. She told students that if she hadn’t struck up a conversation with a stranger, she never would have gotten that front-row seat. This was one of many anecdotes Sherman shared during a recent campus visit, where she offered advice on how to succeed in their professional careers. She advised students on how to handle confrontation, how to advocate for themselves, and how to succeed in their professional careers.
Here are her top 10 pieces of advice to always secure that front-row seat:
1. Start conversations with strangers because you never know who you could be sitting next to.
“I got out of my comfort zone, and I engaged in a conversation with a complete stranger,” she explained, referencing her experience at the concert. “It was an amazing, epic experience that never would have happened if I had settled for my balcony seat.”
2. Chances are, your biggest threat to your success is internal, not external.
“There are things that keep people from having success in their own minds, like self-doubt,” she explained. “Or, it’s that imposter syndrome — if they only knew who I was, they wouldn’t allow me to be in this position.”
3. Ego could be holding you back. Make sure you stay more interested than interesting.
“Stay curious, because that’s how you connect with other people. That’s how you can add value to other people — by finding out about their needs, what they’re looking for, and what you can do to support them,” she said. “If I have a big ego, I’m not going to ask a question. But if I’m a good leader, I’m gonna be vulnerable enough to know I don’t have all the answers.”
4. During confrontation, don’t default to defensiveness.
“The more that you understand, the more potential that you have to lessen the conflict. You have to see it first.”
5. Don’t wait for a title to be a leader.
“You don’t have to have a fancy title to be a leader, to lead the way, to illuminate the path for other people.”
6. Have a win list. Document what is going well for a good confidence boost when you need it.
“I strongly suggest that you keep track of all of your wins, all of your accomplishments, and keep them in one place. Get that evidence of success, so that if you ever have self-doubt, you can go to this bank of evidence and prove to yourself, it doesn’t serve me to have self-doubt.”
7. When you’re having a difficult conversation, don’t use absolutes.
“As soon as you say ‘you always do this’ and ‘you never do this,’ that person immediately has their walls go up, and they will try to prove you wrong [in the conversation]. Be very specific.”
8. Apologize for your part in conflicts. It’s never all one-sided.
“It takes courage to confront someone on behavior; it takes courage to admit when you’re wrong; it takes courage to sit back and listen to someone. But that skill set will serve you really well.”
9. Decide on something and try it out.
“When I was a student, I was really afraid to make a decision. I was so afraid that once I made the decision, I would be stuck with that decision forever, and I would be missing out on other things. My coach at the time said, not making a decision is a bad decision. Just make a decision and try it out, and it won’t be forever if that doesn’t fit you.”
10. Be of value to other people. Find out where you can contribute, and act!
“Servant leadership is being an usher. You’re finding out what your people need, what they want, and what you can do to contribute.”
Marilyn Sherman is a part of HPU’s Access to Innovators Program, which invites leaders across industries to campus to advise, speak to, and mentor students. Students have unique access to figures such as Steve Wozniak, Co-Founder of Apple, and Netflix founder Marc Randolph. This program is one of the many ways HPU is uniquely equipped to develop Life Skills in students as they prepare to lead in their future careers.